Someone I greatly respect once admitted, “I don’t give a rat’s ass about the sick.”  That’s pretty much the truth for me; only for me, it is about ‘the poor,’ ‘the hurting,’ and ‘the hungry.’  This is what I call being brutally honest—and it hurts—but I hope it becomes the first steps toward a change in my heart and life. 

I have pretended to care.  I mean, I know that I should care and that my caring should move me to do something; lest my words be mere sentiment (which is better than contempt, but still not really very helpful).  I have taught about the need for the church to stop putting so much money into buildings and start providing for people who are truly in need.  I have even done a few things to help people out.  But there is a major problem that I have with the poor, hurting, and hungry people: “they” are “them” and “those people.”

What I have yet to really see as a part of my understanding is that “they” are “me.”  Now, I’m not talking about monism.  I am saying that until I can think of “the poor” in the way I think of my brothers and sister, I have not identified with “them”.  Until I identify with them, I cannot come to them as an equal.  And until I come to them as an equal, I will neither help or be helped by them. 

Sure, I can throw money at programs.  I can volunteer at the homeless mission.  I can donate my pre-owned clothes and canned corn.  All of these things are good and helpful, but I do not need to identify with people who are in poverty and hunger in order to do these things.  I do not need to view or treat people as my equals.  I do not have to admit that we are in the same boat.

But my insulation is both a great deception and a great failure.  It is a great deception because I fool myself into thinking that the situation of the poor, hurting, and hungry does not affect me.  I will not protect myself by keeping a safe distance.  Just because I live in a particular zip code does not leave me unaffected by the pain in another zip code.  Even more significantly, I hear the echo of the words of Jesus, “Whatever you did not do to the least of these….”

My insulation from the pain and injustice in the world is a great failure because a large part of my vocation is to be present in the places where the world is hurting and broken.  I am supposed to be a representative of the heart of God in this world.  The terrifying thing is that I know that God is right there where people are in pain, and those are the places I have, more often than not, avoided.  As long as I stay away from the places of pain, I neglect my vocation and fail to share in what God is doing. 

So, I confess.  I insulate myself from the pain in the world around me.  I ignore the hurting by staying busy with other things, making plans for my own security, and avoiding situations where I might run into people in pain and need. 

Of course, I am not heartless.  I do have times where I truly identify with the poor, hurting, and hungry.  In those times, I see glimpses of the beauty of that way of life, and I really do want that to be the way I am.  I’m not trying to beat myself up about this.  I’ve done enough of that to know that it doesn’t help much.  But, what I’m hoping will help is confession. 

I’m hoping that my confession will spur someone to come alongside me and show me how to love the poor, the hurting, and the hungry like Jesus did. 

I’m hoping that all my I’s are really We’s; that I am not the only one who feels this way and that other people will join me in this confession. 

I’m hoping that as we confess, we can take the brave first steps toward being the community of love and light and peace that we are supposed to be.

I’m hoping that brutal honesty will be an onramp to the transformation of our hearts, the church, and the world.

The book is actual titled "Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander"

Not everyone had enough guts to say what you just said. To be honest with yourself and your feelings in the first step to real truth.
--gm ( gm at gm22 dot net ) on 2/26/2007; 10:33:57 PM

Joel,

I think your comments are great I agree wholeheartedly...although I 'm not sure if you are aware that your title "Confessions of a Guilty Bystander" is the name of a book by Thomas Merton. If you haven't already indulged yourself in his profound material I encourage you to...and then if you so choose you can cite him as the source of your inspiration. thanks so much.

Blessings,

Xuxa7
--xuxa ( joelphunk at hotmail dot com ) on 9/13/2005; 3:27:56 AM