There are blows in life that can make or break you; they can even do both at the same time.  At weddings you often hear Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, the benefits of a relationship that is meaningful and constructive.  These verses speak on protection of being in a relationship, warmth one receives, and efficiency that can produce more return.  It is rare that I would hear the prior two verses: "Then I looked again at vanity under the sun. There was a certain man without a dependent, having neither a son nor a brother, yet there was no end to all his labor."  Adam understood the vanity of loneliness after spending some time in the Garden without a companion. I love how God saw his loneliness and had compassion on him.  I have spent time in the garden of aloneness, where I experienced growth and pain.

Part of this pain comes through the tug-of-war identity that a third culture child experiences.  You feel like you don't know where you belong because the popular culture does not accept you, nor does the native homeland. So you feel homeless and wandering.  Another part of the pain is feeling like ministry sometimes is a sink or swim experience.  I was placed into a community and asked to start a multi-ethnic program that would reach kids without the proper mentoring I needed.  Other programs received volunteers and resources while I remained unsupported.  Through this time I left feeling inadequate, unqualified, unfulfilled and without deep meaningful relationships.  Maybe there are Gethsemane moments in every one's life?  No doubt, they are tough moments. 

In the Garden Jesus wanted the presence of his closest friends.  Jesus himself is the very presence of God made real and alive among us, and knows what it feels like to luchar (struggle).  Sometimes words do not suffice to comfort in times of need.  When mourning the loss of a loved one, just know somebody is there is more important than the right words.   The ministry of presence is a powerful thing.  This is probably the greatest lesson I took away from this solitary time of my ministry experience. 

One kid that I am still close to from that ministry is Antonio.  He was one those kids that people expected to be in jail or dead by the time he was in his twenties.  In our weekly Bible Study, there were lessons I tried to teach him that never seemed to stick.  As I saw growth in his life, I often prayed that God would take him out of the environment he was in so he could leave behind the temptations of violence and quick money that haunted him.  The unexpected happened when prayer was answered.

The summer after leaving full-time youth ministry, Antonio and I went to work at a retreat center in West Virginia together.  We slept in the same room and shared meals.  Just by living together and seeing faith lived out was a powerful thing for him.  I remember one night I listened to Antonio share with a group of fifth grade boys about his faith.  At the end of the night we both were teary-eyed.  After the kids went to bed I asked him why he was emotional.  He shared with me how meaningful it was for him to share about Jesus with the kids.  We both wept like babies.  I cried because I got to see the fruit of my labors from a time I felt was fruitless.  After a few moments of tears and hugs we started to feel self-conscience and we switched the subject to sports so we could recover from this vulnerable moment.

The process of healing was not instant. I still needed more time to recover from the three years of ministry.  The sense of failure and brokenness made me hesitant to accept other leadership positions.  The remedy came when I went to spend time with another Latino leader who could understand what I went through without explanation.  Rudy Carrasco from the Harambee Christian Family Center invited me to spend some time with him.  I went there not really knowing what to expect.  Rudy did not try to offer me solutions to get out of the state I was in.  He just let me "be" with him; he also opened up his failures and mistakes.  This transparency gave me the trust to open up my hurts and pains.  In the end I left California feeling empowered, refreshed and healed.  I returned to the Washington area and have continued to serve God among teenagers.  Antonio and I still hang out and continue to serve together.  We recently returned from Spain working with Operation Transit in Alegeciras. 

This writing is more about a call than lessons learned.  I implore you who are older and seasoned leaders to spend time with the younger generation, offering out the hand of relationship.  Do not try to teach or shape; just "be" with a young person.  Look for those who are struggling in Gethsemane.  If we want teaching we can find it in good book, tape or sermon.  The ministry of presence is a powerful thing.