If you are human you probably want the best for your family and desire to see them connected in a personal way to Jesus Christ. So how do you nurture their journey toward faith?

The Noise.
The reality, the noise our lives emit speak louder than the good news we proclaim. When reaching out to your family it is important to know that the messenger is the message. Your life-style reveals the message you seek to tell. Living an inconsistent life is one of the main barriers that keep your family members coming to faith in Jesus Christ. Therefore how we put our faith into practice is vital. Above everything else our family members are looking for a life that is authentic, a life that is changing for the better, and a lifestyle that corresponds with what we say. Our families understand we are not perfect, but they do desire to see us living a life that indicates an authentic journey of faith.

If you are really brave here are some questions to ask your family. Hey guys what is the background noise of my life? My life is speaking, what’s the noise I am emitting?  What does my life say to you? What do you hear me say? How am I doing? You may be surprised by the answer.

One day I apologized to my oldest son. In my ramblings I mentioned that I realized I had not been the example I had desired to be and had regretted not training him in some basic life-skills. I mentioned that I had failed many times living my faith before him. He stopped me in my tracks and began to tell me what I had done for him. Encouraged him to be consistent, hard working, caring for others and respectful of the opposite sex. He mentioned that he and his friends talked about life, faith and following Jesus. He said that he told them if they wanted to see people living out a true faith to visit his house and observe his mom and dad. Mark Twain was right when he stated, ‘Always do right; it will gratify some and amaze the rest.’  At the end of this conversation I was the one who was amazed.

As your are living the life before them here are some tips to help you begin to share your faith with your family.

Serve them.
As a new believer I pretty much preached mini sermons, pointed out my family members faults, and warned them of the punishment to come. I left Bibles and badly written gospel tracts all over their homes. My zealous attempts to tell the good news was perceived as the bad news. Even though they saw a genuine life change, my over zealous attempts to win them for Jesus Christ failed. I actually drove them away from Jesus, instead of drawing them near.

A few years later and with a bit more wisdom I began to seek to consistently serve my family members in practical ways. I realized my actions did speak much louder than my words.

One summer I visited my dad for a couple of weeks. I noticed our home needed painting. I responded and spent hours each day painting the house. On the last day of the project my dad came home with a six-pack of Coors beer. Even though I was a non-drinker I chose to have one beer to honor my dad’s attempt to say thanks. We sat down, sipped our suds, and had one of our most meaningful conversations. We spoke of forgiveness, his history, how he was raised as a boy preacher, the church, about Jesus, the issue of salvation, God’s plan for man and my journey of faith. At the end of our conversation we embraced, hugged each other, forgave each other and reaffirmed our love as dad and son. I can still remember the elated feeling as I boarded a plane a few days later and flew to my mom’s house in Florida. I thought, ‘I could die now. I’m a peace with my dad.’ Serving opened the door to share my faith.

Consistently serving your family opens the door for dialogue. Actions speak louder than words. St. Francis said, "Preach the Gospel all the time, and if necessary, use words."

Hear them.
The goal is to keep the communications lines open to ensure you stay connected to your family. Part of the process is really listening, not just with your head, but your heart. What are the members of your family saying? Are you listening actively without attempting to fix or change them? If you are wired as a fixer or a changer this will be difficult for you. Do you hear their pain? Do you hear the needs of their lives? Do you hear their dreams, or their disappointments?

In my family we have good cop, and bad cop. I’m the bad cop. Pattie, my wife is the good cop. All of my children want to please us. When they do a dumb thing, I often fail to understand that they bear the weight of their own disappointment. It’s a weight they alone carry. I tend to be the one who takes things too personal, reacts to quickly and who fails to really listen with my heart. Pattie, on the other hand, understands the process of maturity, takes things in stride and responds with love and measure. Guess which one of us deepens our relationship with our children more consistently? Guess which one is able to share our faith most effectively? Yep, my wife.

Whenever we attempt to persuade a person by manipulating them, inducing fear, shame, or guilt, it’s wrong. Even though we may have to establish boundaries, and speak the truth in love, we need to understand no matter how much we love our family, their choices are their choices. They alone are responsible and accountable to God. Our job is to be consistently open, caring, and honest toward them.

The greatest revelation I ever received about my sister was that she was not just my sister, but a woman who was loved by God and who was accountable to God. It totally changed how I spoke to her and how I responded when my buttons were pushed. I learned to zip my lips, refused to argue, to actively listen and sought to respond in a positive manner. Arguing about faith doesn’t usually produce fruit, but listening opens hearts. My sister was won by my consistent love, shown by my attentive listening, not by my persuasive arguments.

Ask questions.
Asking questions and listening helps us to cultivate our relationship and helps us to develop on going dialogue.

One day I asked my dad a few questions. ‘Doc I was wondering, what’s keeping you from giving your heart to Jesus? Is it because your parents persuaded you to be child preacher? Are you mad at God? Are you disappointed about your long-term illness? What’s up? What’s keeping you back from following Jesus Christ?’

His honest answer surprised me, “Nope I’m not mad at God, mad at my family or disappointed by my illness.’ I reckon it’s just my pride, my ego.’ I was stunned. He was further along in his journey toward the Kingdom of God than I imagined. My desire to know what made him tick opened the door for honest dialogue.

Some questions to ask:
- If you could ask God any question what would it be?
- What do you find the most difficult concerning belief in God?
- Would it be fair to say that your disbelief in God is due more to your experience with Christians or with God himself?
- Why do you think people are turned off and have tuned out to church? Are you turned off? Why?
- What’s keeping you from following Christ?

Rescue them.
Pattie's dad was a bartender, he smoked and eventually was diagnosed with cancer. His wife had been a believer for 15 years; her efforts to lead him to Christ until this time had some, but little effect. As the cancer spread she became very concerned about his eternal state. Finally, she courageously said, you are dying. Where do you want to spend eternity? His response, ‘What do I need to do?’ She replied, ‘Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ? Invite Him into your life by turning from your sins.’ He replied, ‘I’m willing.’ They then got down on their knees and prayed together. When they got up he was a changed man. A few weeks later, he was baptized. Two weeks later he died. He was rescued.

Sometimes you just have to go for it. Sometimes it means throwing caution to the wind and speaking the truth in love. Sometimes it’s reminding our families that there is an eternity to face and they have a choice to make. These special times are usually presented during a crisis, when our family members are obviously at a crossroad. They plainly have life changing or life threatening decisions to make or pressures to face. The Titanic has hit an iceberg. Its end is inevitable. One passageway clearly leads toward life, the other away from life, health and peace. They need to choose now. We need to be courageous, lovingly throw the life rope and beckon them to respond.

Encourage them.
Lastly, how do we encourage our family members to move toward belief. Here are a few quick tips.

Tell the story. Speak about the life of Jesus and what he came to do often.

Tell your story. Give living illustrations from your journey with Jesus. How he has answered prayer, changed your life, influenced your decisions, provided for you.

Offer good books to read. The key word…good. Books that can connect with their personality, their needs, books that beckon them to a higher plane or connect with their aspirations.

Invite them to good a church. Invite them to a special event or to a Christmas, or Easter celebration. Most people will go to church if they are invited to a special service, or event.

Offer prayer. If they mention a need offer to pray for them.

Keep the relationship open. As far as it depends on you keep the relationship current through a caring phone call, a written note or a verbal affirmation. Keep short accounts and forgive them when you are offended by their behavior.

Don’t turn off just because you are home. Live the life before them. Be the good news. Remember your actions speak louder than words.

God is faithful. He loves our families much more than we could ever imagine. Salvation is a process. It takes an unique amount of time for each person to come to faith. Our role in the nurturing their faith is to s.h.a.r.e. His role is to draw them to Himself.

Hey Steve.

Great stuff. Practical and encouraging. I'm challenged to look at my family differently. My son needs me to be a dad as well as a pastor! My parents need me to be a son as well as a preacher!

Keep on serving. Keep the noise clear!
--Mike McMahon ( mj dot mcmahon at virgin dot net ) on 2/20/2004; 11:19:38 AM

Thank you so much for this article. Being the only believer in my family it is often a struggle to do, be, or say the right thing. I identify with your comments as a new believer & have fallen into similar traps! I belong to a home church & will be taking your article along to let them have a read,
as many are in a similar position to me.

I shall be trying some of your suggestions & am becoming bolder nowadays wiser too. No more browbeating!
bless you & your family Steve & thank you again for sound suggestions & practical advice.

Nicki
--Nicki Jones ( richardjones at xtra dot co dot nz ) on 2/7/2004; 5:05:22 AM